Have fun in the immature world of Chris Williamson.
|Posted on February 4, 2017 at 1:35 PM||comments (0)|
Hooter's has announced that you can receive free wings if you destroy a photo of your ex on Valentine's Day. Isn't it enough that I destroyed her life?
|Posted on February 1, 2017 at 11:25 PM||comments (0)|
I went on the rowing machine at the gym. It sank.
|Posted on December 20, 2016 at 9:50 PM||comments (0)|
If you're a guy that has just been subdued by Richard Marx, isn't it time to hand in your "man card?" #koreanair
|Posted on July 18, 2016 at 11:20 PM||comments (0)|
Republican or Democrat, I think we can all agree that Malania Trump will be a much sexier first lady than Bill Clinton.
|Posted on July 3, 2016 at 11:45 PM||comments (0)|
Organic food I get. Organic undies....not so much.....
|Posted on July 3, 2016 at 11:15 AM||comments (0)|
|Posted on June 27, 2016 at 6:25 PM||comments (0)|
You know you're hungry when you're sitting in a restaurant and you say "For an appetizer let's start with the Porterhouse."
|Posted on June 25, 2016 at 11:30 PM||comments (0)|
Backstage with Don Novello, aka Father Guido Sarducci. 31 appearances on Saturday Night Live!
|Posted on June 25, 2016 at 6:35 PM||comments (0)|
I had the honor of visiting the St. Albans VA hospital and telling some funny stories to a room full of brave men and women. This is Ben - his plane was shot down in World War Two over Germany. He spent six months in a P.O.W. camp. What an honor it was to meet so many heroes.
|Posted on June 25, 2016 at 6:25 PM||comments (0)|
I've noticed at my gym that the older guys love to walk around the locker room in the nude. I cover up everywhere. Some guy I'm assuming fought in the Revolutionary War was stretching in the buff today.
|Posted on June 22, 2016 at 7:05 PM||comments (0)|
|Posted on May 23, 2016 at 12:15 AM||comments (0)|
I'm about to leave to perform for the brave men and women of our armed services at the VA hospital in St. Albans, NY. God bless them all. For their service - not for having to sit through my performance.
|Posted on March 26, 2016 at 12:35 AM||comments (0)|
So a Busch Beer truck collided with a Frito Lay truck in Florida. The highway was covered in beer and chips. College students across Florida are assisting with the cleanup...........
|Posted on March 23, 2016 at 9:20 PM||comments (0)|
Day one of jury duty. Of course I set off the alarms when I walked through the metal detector. The court officer had me take off my belt and it still went off. So they had to use the wand. As they were wanding me the court officer told me to put both of my arms in the air. I said "Sir I have my belt in one hand and I'm holding my pants up with the other hand. If I put both arms into the air there's a good chance I'm going to moon the jury pool. Maybe you should wand me with my arms down?" He agreed. #itwasmyshoes
|Posted on March 13, 2016 at 9:20 PM||comments (0)|
Fitness guru Richard Simmons is missing! Close friends say they haven't seen him in at least two years. I believe that he was finally taken down by Mayor McCheese and The Hamburglar.....
|Posted on November 14, 2015 at 10:25 AM||comments (0)|
God Bless you Paris.
|Posted on November 5, 2015 at 7:40 PM||comments (2)|
As we turn the page on another Halloween and head towards Thanksgiving, I want to ask one question.
What ever happened to scary vampires? This question has been bouncing around my head since Interview with the Vampire came to the silver screen in 1994. When Hollywood was asked who should be cast as blood sucking scary creatures of the night they came up with Tom Cruise, Brad Pitt, and Antonio Banderas.
Then in the past decade we’ve seen the cast of True Blood who are more like super models of the night. The whole Twilight series didn’t even give Robert Pattinson sharp teeth. Not only did they wimp out in the sharp teeth department they turned the spawns of Satan into love sick teeny boppers.
I want my vampires scary looking, like Max Schreck was in Nosferatu back in 1922. No Bella Swans were falling for that guy. Even Bela Lugosi was a bit of a poser back in the black and white era.
And God forbid we see a fat vampire. Apparently becoming a vampire makes you sexy and desirable – just think of how much money Weight Watchers would lose if soccer moms nationwide could lose a few pounds with just a bite on the neck. I’m going to create a movie with a big, fat, ugly vampire. Holy water will have no effect on this vampire but Vitamin Water will be deadly.
Who can play Van Helsing in my movie? Richard Simmons of course.
|Posted on October 13, 2015 at 10:05 PM||comments (0)|
Playboy ending nudity is like Donald Trump ending hairspray.
|Posted on October 13, 2015 at 11:15 AM||comments (0)|
I started a new healthy program. I am required to drink half my body weight in ounces of water on a daily basis. I might as well just bring a straw to Lake Erie.....