Plastic bags are now illegal in New Jersey but plastic bongs are fine.

I will be LIVE in studio tonight at www.govsradio.com on "Comedians on Football"  from 6:30pm - 7:30pm Eastern Time.  Tune in!!!

This week I am giving the award to a football team - ten members of the Byron High School football.  These ten players were found to have stripped naked and placed Oreo cookies in their butt cheeks.  They then proceeded to run across the football field.  What's next?  Chocolate bars?  Talk about the Hershey squirts.....Byron High School football players with Oreo's in your butts - you are NOT MATURE!!!

This Saturday, December 22nd, I will be performing at the famous Stephen Talkhouse in Amagansett, NY.  This is a fundraiser for a 9/11 memorial for the Sons of the American Legion squadron 419.  

For ticket information, please contact the Stephen Talkhouse at (631) 267-3117.

www.stephentalkhouse.com

Jets fan Christopher Greyshock of West Milford, New jersey was arrested after the Jets were beaten by the Buffalo Bills 41-10 this past Sunday.  After rear-ending a car, police found Greyshock to not only be drunk but to be in possession of a partially smoked joint, rolling papers, and a near empty whiskey bottle.  Greyshock is reported to have claimed "I drank too much because the Jets suck!"  I hope he's not also a Mets fan!  Christopher Greyshock - you are my "Not Mature Person of the Week!"

New Jersey police have finally arrested the man who was visiting intersections and leaving loads of dirty diapers behind.  William Friedman, 68, was arrested dropping a load of his grandsons diapers at the intersection of routes 40 and 47 Sunday night.  He had been commiting this act for the past ten months,  at least three times per week, according to Lt. Matthew DeCesari of the Franklin Township Police Department. 

Police have confirmed that  Friedman's reason for comitting the crime was "I thought it was funny."  The slippery diapers even caused a motorcycle rider to total his bike!  Talk about skidmarks!  Lets all be thankful that he was leaving behind his grandsons diapers, and not his own!

William Friedman, you are my not mature person of the week!

Police in Savannah, Georgia are searching for this week's winner - known only as "The Googly Eye Bandit."  The City of Savannah has reported that the Bandit has put googly eyes on a statue of Nathaniel Greene, a Revolutionary War hero, in historic Johnson Square (since I'm not mature, I did giggle at the word Johnson).  In case you were wondering, Nathaniel Greene was a close confidant of George Washington and died in 1786 of sunstroke while riding his horse.  This begs the question - were there no googly eyed sunglasses in 1786?  Coppertone?  Suspects include Marty Feldman's ghost, and Steve Buscemi.  Googly Eye Bandit - you are my "Not Mature Person of the Week."

Eric M. Stagno of Haverhill, Massachusetts, was arrested for stripping nude and working out at a Planet Fitness in New Hampshire.  According to reports, the responding officers found him in a "yoga-like" pose.  He told the officers that he thought Planet Fitness was a "judgement-free zone."  Apparantly it's not a clothing free zone!  Let's hope he wiped down the machines.....Eric M. Stagno, you are this weeks Not Mature Person of the Week!

If I was ever arrested I'd use my one phone call to order a pizza.

I did not hear Laurel or Yanny.  I heard "eat more cupcakes."

Here I am rocking out my pink Susan G. Komen for the Cure shirt.  

That moment you realize the sketchy looking character in the flea market is actually a security guard.  

Just heard Cyndi Lauper singing "Girls Just Want To Have Fun."  Sure they do - until they marry me.  Then "Girls Just Want To Break Balls."